Something to write

It seems almost an era I have posted last. Blogging perhaps is my way of talking to myself whenever I want to, whatsoever. Now a days I somehow instantly make a story out of everything that my eyes catch a glance of. Nevertheless it can be a half finished tube of squeezy kissan jam having a cartoon of some monkay called King Louie who happens to love mango over banana! I know I am not making any sense. I am very tired these days. Rather my mind is. Hanging between leaving behind the tangible and intangible things and memories of past 23 years and the impending four, most exciting, happening, lonely and creative years of my life. Yes, I will be going somewhere. And that somewhere is very far away from my home. Though it is no more than 3 and a half hours of flying across many countries and above many homes and roads, I am afraid of not being able to come back through the same 3 and a half hours of flying that easily. I am yet to discover the numerously many other stuffs that I am afraid of. I still am numb to the feeling of looking everywhere around me and yet not finding out any of the known faces and smiles. I am afraid of changes. Changes that are sudden and untoward. I know I should not forebode evil.

Okay, yes I am happy and excited too nonetheless. I will be cooking whatever I feel like having. Now thats interesting to me, though it might not be for many others. In that case, I can cook for them also. I will be spending a lot of time doing nothing and yet not being shouted at. I am headed to discover a place where there exists four official language out of which I know only one and also completely dumb about the other three. I hope I will be happy always as people will find it preferrable to speak in the other three languages if they are talking not so good about me.

Overall, I think I need to experience every bit of it. And I am hopeful that each one will be a treasure for life.

Regret

as dictionary says, means to feel sorrow or remorse for. A friend says you should not Regret for anything that you do in life. Can it give birth to arrogance or vanquish self-discouragement! Should we or should we not? Is it answerable? Millions of people with billions of thoughts passing by thier minds. Regret is way to find our mistakes. Regret is to stop taking a step further. Confusing is what I can term it as.


p.s.I will try to write something more meaningful next time!

How am I going to die?

My exams are over. My life currently is a no-college, no-studies, no-work, all-sleep and all-eat life that I am leading. Hence this absolutely meaningless post.
Yesterday night I was talking to a buddy o' mine and in the conversation I realised that I never thought about one issue which actually can be the most exciting and fascinating one in my daily procastinations. So I thought. And I am writing.
The question which was the food of my thought was -> How am i going to die!
To begin with it, I think, as of now, that I don't fear death. May be because I have never seen it closely or may be bacause I seriously DON'T!

*I don't want to die in some hospital. I am very scared of operations, saline or blood channels that sticks pierced to your body till you are out of the hospital or the world. Moreover, the smell of hospitals almost faints me. Thus hospitals gets striked-out.

*I don't want to commit suicide, The reaons being :
1) its a murder
2)someone or the other will be blamed even if no one is responsible. First of all, everyone's gonna suspect Ron, which i never want. After that, postmortems, reports, police, FIRs... omg its damn troublesome. People are not gonna find time to cry :-(
3)I can't demand my last wish.
4)Wif it doesnt work and i dont die..... the rest of my life I will listen ONLY to lectures
5)and lastly, WHY the hell will i commit suicide?

*I don't want to die of any terminal illness, reaons are obvious!

So the conclusion is that I actually don't know what will I die of but then I know how I want LIVE the life I have. At the end of the day, I want that when I look back lying in my death bed, I must find that I have been a good daughter, a good girl, a good human being, a good wife and a good mother and no one got hurt because of me and I have lead a meaningful life! If these things I fulfill then i think that seriously I wont fear death!

I

remain happy these days. Don't know why, but I do! Enjoying every moment as it comes to the very bit of it. Smiles and giggles paving my way. Laughing away all the pains and agonies with totally meaningless PJs! Suddenly everything around me has become rosy and pleasant. Life is playing a different music altogether. Music that brings joy!

It is like knowledge coming in a flash :
MishtiZaa: LIFE??? :(
Someone: Yes LIFE !! :)
MishtiZaa (realizes) : hmmm, LIFE :D!!!
So am indebted to that someone!

I feel proud of being myself. Proud of every little qualities I bear. Proud of being a bit too girlish! :D Recollections, debates about now-a-days-burning-topics, vulgarities, bad jokes right in the middle of a serious-talk and what not! Discovering new aspects that was dormant in these 20 years that I spent. Thinking simple and short. I don't feel the brutal weight of growing up anymore. So what if I grow up, I still am the same person as I always was. I feel special. What else do you need when you are regarded as someone's BEST friend. I don't ! These days I just smile and smile..... like this -> :D!

Alter-Self

Lonely verses and aloof words
Unarranged emotions.
Blank and blatant
Remains the residue of life!
Thought faces the dead-end
And mind becomes numb.
We sit being at odds
With our own alter-self!
Perception of the wrong
Becomes cloudy and equivocal
When we leave ourselves
Amidst the long dark way
Just a little behind
From where we can see the dawn!
A little more could we walk
A little more could we hope.
Devil inside dragging us behind,
A little more could we fight!

Blue n White

When my days started off with blue skirt, white shirt and a red belt, life was perhaps much simpler and synonymous to fun. When we started growing up, both in grades and mind, one such fine morning brought two persons who became what we were taught in much lower standards, F.R.I.E.N.D.S!! One was an unruffled, naive and a sweet lass and another was unpredictable, unlawful and a bit messed up! Just for the convenience of reading rest of the post let's name them. The former one be, hmmm... penguin and the latter one be Billy! :D
Ups and downs, heap of problems and quarrels yet one or two sweet smiles paved our way through the lanes of our school. A school-life which witnessed almost every uncomplicated yet tangled situations. Penguin was always kind of away from any chaos, yet supporting every troubled soul with all her might! The good-homework-doer and the tall-girl was always there by my side whenever I planned a prank on someone! The criminal-brain was mine and the post-crime-healer was her. A typical Sagittarian and mild personality with a EXTREMELY high pitched voice! :P
I still remember all her bashings and encouragements for me to do my homeworks IN TIME!
Oh yes, she's an awesome artist and drew her heart away to glory. Be it drawing classes or Hindi handwriting, she was the BEST! Okay enough of penguin-saga.... now it's time for Billy.
Ahemmm..... Billy was not my friend at the beginning. We started off with severe [ mind you, SEVERE] grudges against each other. Reasons not relevant!
One whole year witnessed the tit-for-tats and though innocent, but behind back games!
But I still don't figure out how we became, what I mentioned as F.R.I.E.N.D.S and that to so much gradually that I didn't even realize till the day I left school. We never had much of SWEET memories but we do have memories a lot viz. starting from the "scandals" of science class to Sanskrit tuitions, from chatting for hours o'er the net to SARKAR! :D Okay that’s it, I really don't have much memories to share actually... Billy was a subtle but inevitable friend in school. Perhaps he is even that one person with whom I fought the most. I don't think that there is anyone else in my life with whom I spent so much of negative days as I did with him.
But after all, the blue remained blue and the white remained white. Memories of blue n white days were the most colorful ones I have ever had. I just have one question unanswered now and that is Why do we grow up and leave all those days behind?

I wish

I were a princess. Not wearing gaudy gowns or carrying a wand in hand but dressed in colourful lehnga-choli and chunri, adorned with churis and jhumkas.... (sounds pretty much... duhh... right?) Actually this is a phase of life that I am going through. I am suffering from a "feeling-like-and-wannabe-princess" complex....
Reasons are countless viz. my rajasthan trip, after effects of its dreams and not to forget the just seen movie Jodha Akbar. Ok, yes, I am being a kid, dreaming bollywoodish but then comeon afterall who will backoff if one is asked to be a king or a queen? It's always fascinating. Just that these whishes have faded away amidst our peer-pressured-pragmatisms.
The magnanimity of the quilas, beautiful architectures, lots of jwelleries, colourful festivals, praises and hails, extravagant leisures and tons of pride.... what else can anyone dream about.
Viewing it from a different angle - King, authoritarian rule, armed forces, zeal of conquering and capturing, politics, wars. But if we take a sneak peek into our very own "today", won't we find the same things with just names changed - ministers, exploited citizens, nuclear threats, "greed" of power, warfares. Only thing that changed is the authoritarian rule. Now it is called DEMOCRACY. (omg! I really feel like laughing). Authoritarian rule in which the king is always concerned about the welfare of his land and its people is now a far fetched dream. Implementation of democracy was a joke on the face of the dynasties. Now the "Kings" are elected from among the people just not to bother themselves about the country and its people when they become "kings".
Talking about myself I really have thought about this a lot.
What if someday you wake up in the morning and see that you are living in a palace where you can sing, dance, paint, play, write do anything you like and live happily ever after!!! Okay I finally woke up and the morn light knocked me down. After a whole day's work, when I am tired and worn out...I still wish.... If I WERE A PRINCESS!!!! :)