Sunday, October 5, 2014

Soliloquy

Yes, I loved you. Loved you passionately with every bit of my soul. I loved you till I tasted my tears. I could feel my gut bloat and my heart burst. I could hear the midnight strike, with dog barks and insect scream. I stood in the darkness and the deep hollow. With my heart in hand and teardrops on it. Relentless, I was in it. I waited as long as I could. I wanted you with every cell in my brain, every blood drop of my body. I battled logic and reason. I shut off good wishes and friendly waves. Because all I wanted was you. You were my destination and my road. I walked on you to reach you. There was rain, thunder and muddy nights. There were lashes of fire and heat of the sun. I still walked on you to reach you. There were no sidewalks to sit on. No railings to lean on. I had to walk and walk on. Stoned sometimes, sometimes I was a muse. I saw other who wanted to travel you too. They left, or you left. But I walked on. You did not let me leave. You satiated yourself with the treachery and my pain. It nourished you. It kept you reminding of my love for you. You wanted to see me. See me every moment. See me struggle through the road named you. Years and days passed by. You did not let me stop walking you. It would kill you. If I stopped, the road would stop too. For I was the lone explorer of the road named you. Others came and went. It was not easy to walk you. I battled your hatred. It was you saying you love me. Your way of wanting me. You hated me from the core. You expected me to stop walking you. Shocked, you were. Amazed, you were. Denial, you were in. I too, defied and destroyed the road behind me. Possessed by the journey, how could I let others take the road I took. I was the owner and the only traveler. I fought with every spring that came our way. I wanted winter and harsh winter. So that you could feel my warmth. I hated autumn for it would make you happy. For it would make you happy alone. For it would satiate you off me. I hated the rain, for you will be free. I wanted only winter. And a harsh one. And winter it was. Snow cold around. I could see only thorny bushes. It would hurt you. Make you cold. Make you shiver with unwanted bruises. I would comfort you, and that made me claim my road. Claim my rights. Claim my love for you. And then there was a snowstorm. Too harsh for us. Too harsh for me to warm it down. Too harsh for me to comfort you. Like the spring, the autumn, the rain, the winter too, took you off me. Fool I was to love you so passionately. Fool I was to not feel your pain. That snowstorm blew it all. Uprooted you were. I could not walk you anymore. I too blew away with the snowstorm. We lost.