Sunday, August 24, 2008

After a long time

i am writing again. Past couple of months deserved much more than 24 hours a day. The cover story being my academics. 3 years of mental torture yielded a degree and a black hat on my head. "Graduate" is the new adjective. The sadist side of me pushed me into another two years of higher degree torture after which I will be master of something [comp. sc. in this case]. These days when I see a small figure wearing some uniform and running with a bag on its back which is in fact bigger, a chill runs down my spine thinking about the two terrifying board exams and then the various consecutive onslaughts that is awaiting its way! :D
Pondering on the other happenings in these months, I see myself with increasing dimensions like an air balloon - my room becoming more and more messy day by day - my pc breaking down every now and then and putting all the work load on my lappy - my maid taking unusual long breaks making me do all household stuffs - ending with our apartment being painted after some six years and it looks like a new bride now!
Moving on to the most exciting and pleasant episode.
Spending the whole nights over phone, playing antakshari and me shrugging off in the mid of the game, planning for coming days, "discussing" about music where the discussion stops very soon and I find myself totally shut up while the other end of the vodafone kolkata-bangalore line wrecks thier nerves on the non stop lectures, hearing all-enthusiastic-reports on cricket and responding to it as POLITELY as possible....all this and more were flashing by my mind when I was waiting in music world for Avi to arrive. Following few days were the most story-like days I have ever spent in my life. Our hangouts were almost all over the city starting from princep ghat till tobin road (sorry,only kolkatans can figure out :P).
I got my arm burnt by half consumed gold-flake. Roamed around city centre when it was declared red alert. Helped the coffee-day owner earn a million more. City cab-drivers almost became our kins. Fought over travelling by metro or road. I learned how to talk to people - anyone and everyone - as if they are a part of your family. Hassling over his career plans which got on his nerves just after even a minute of discussion. Finally spending two most difficult days when Avi was in Yashwantpur Express and I was flipping through the pages of an old novel.
We spent this couple of weeks after almost half a decade, yet I never could feel any gap. It was like we will become the same old KVite if we are dressed up in navyblue-white. Perhaps that how friendships in school are forged and thats why we are bestfriends....

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Snapshot of Monsoon

Umbrellas, folded up jeans, polythenes to wrap up the used - wet umbrellas, all day wet hair and things suchlike marks the monsoon carnival. Not only its arrival but when it starts dancing around it becomes and fine and romantic weather for people like me, who sit at home, doing nothing otherthan staring at the dusky sky and the other side is a combat for those living in huts and clay houses.
The air conditioned big black car runs through the drowned road with the wipers clearing up the water at some intervals. The people inside it talks about the mismanagement of traffic in the rains, the cause of water loggings ending up with melting make-ups during the rains. And that man beside the big black car, sitting in the window seat of the bus on his way home thinks if he would get a rickshaw that late when he gets down from the bus. Or again he has to fold up his trousers and swim through the water with the files and the bundle of rotis in his hand. His wife could not make them due to damped stove, may be!
Then comes the lady with that kid returning from the series of tuitions after school. The child looks like a keyed-doll that has to be active till his parents keep the keys moving. He went to school this morning, splashing and making fun in the water! School ends and there starts his race against other kids with the huge list of tuitions and classes. Monsoon hardly makes any difference to his routine. The mother, carrying the school bad, holding the umbrella in one hand and the kid in the other continuosly scolds the kid where the kid is totally involved in the orange candy he has in his hand!
There, is the group of youngsters chatting over a cup of tea in the cha-er dokan, laughing away to glory. Even they exhibit different fashions of folded up denim. The old-man with tea and one biscuit in reminiscing about his youth seeing these young ones and desperately tries to be a part of the bunch of laughters.
In the middle of the road, is a stuck up van with chickens tied up on it. The van-puller is annoyed, angered and detested as he knows that the traffic jam is because of him. Yet he can't manage to pull his van out of the chaos and hence facing all the galis and dhamkis from all around. He is wet, tired and perhaps has fever, may be! Temper is so obvious to be lost.
The chickens that are tied up are all wet, looking like one single lump of white creatures. They know thier destiny will lead them to the stomaches, yet struggling hard to escape with a chore of pak-paks ( the sound :P).
And now comes the traffic police standing all day long in that rain, without anyone to share a word of complain. Whistling and waving hands, wet clothes that dries up and again gets wet but he stands with the compulsive responsibility of managing the traffic and yet criticised on even a petty ocassion. His children and wife spends thier day waiting and waiting.
Okay, now here I am, standing in the shade of my college, seeing people and arranging my thoughts in words. After a tired day of running after my VP to get some documents attested, I stand there, hungry, sufferring from the fashion of not carrying an umbrella and trying to fold up my jeans too!

Thursday, June 5, 2008

How am I going to die?

My exams are over. My life currently is a no-college, no-studies, no-work, all-sleep and all-eat life that I am leading. Hence this absolutely meaningless post.
Yesterday night I was talking to a buddy o' mine and in the conversation I realised that I never thought about one issue which actually can be the most exciting and fascinating one in my daily procastinations. So I thought. And I am writing.
The question which was the food of my thought was -> How am i going to die!
To begin with it, I think, as of now, that I don't fear death. May be because I have never seen it closely or may be bacause I seriously DON'T!

*I don't want to die in some hospital. I am very scared of operations, saline or blood channels that sticks pierced to your body till you are out of the hospital or the world. Moreover, the smell of hospitals almost faints me. Thus hospitals gets striked-out.

*I don't want to commit suicide, The reaons being :
1) its a murder
2)someone or the other will be blamed even if no one is responsible. First of all, everyone's gonna suspect Ron, which i never want. After that, postmortems, reports, police, FIRs... omg its damn troublesome. People are not gonna find time to cry :-(
3)I can't demand my last wish.
4)Wif it doesnt work and i dont die..... the rest of my life I will listen ONLY to lectures
5)and lastly, WHY the hell will i commit suicide?

*I don't want to die of any terminal illness, reaons are obvious!

So the conclusion is that I actually don't know what will I die of but then I know how I want LIVE the life I have. At the end of the day, I want that when I look back lying in my death bed, I must find that I have been a good daughter, a good girl, a good human being, a good wife and a good mother and no one got hurt because of me and I have lead a meaningful life! If these things I fulfill then i think that seriously I wont fear death!

Friday, May 23, 2008


remain happy these days. Don't know why, but I do! Enjoying every moment as it comes to the very bit of it. Smiles and giggles paving my way. Laughing away all the pains and agonies with totally meaningless PJs! Suddenly everything around me has become rosy and pleasant. Life is playing a different music altogether. Music that brings joy!

It is like knowledge coming in a flash :
MishtiZaa: LIFE??? :(
Someone: Yes LIFE !! :)
MishtiZaa (realizes) : hmmm, LIFE :D!!!
So am indebted to that someone!

I feel proud of being myself. Proud of every little qualities I bear. Proud of being a bit too girlish! :D Recollections, debates about now-a-days-burning-topics, vulgarities, bad jokes right in the middle of a serious-talk and what not! Discovering new aspects that was dormant in these 20 years that I spent. Thinking simple and short. I don't feel the brutal weight of growing up anymore. So what if I grow up, I still am the same person as I always was. I feel special. What else do you need when you are regarded as someone's BEST friend. I don't ! These days I just smile and smile..... like this -> :D!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008


Lonely verses and aloof words
Unarranged emotions.
Blank and blatant
Remains the residue of life!
Thought faces the dead-end
And mind becomes numb.
We sit being at odds
With our own alter-self!
Perception of the wrong
Becomes cloudy and equivocal
When we leave ourselves
Amidst the long dark way
Just a little behind
From where we can see the dawn!
A little more could we walk
A little more could we hope.
Devil inside dragging us behind,
A little more could we fight!

Monday, May 12, 2008

Blue n White

When my days started off with blue skirt, white shirt and a red belt, life was perhaps much simpler and synonymous to fun. When we started growing up, both in grades and mind, one such fine morning brought two persons who became what we were taught in much lower standards, F.R.I.E.N.D.S!! One was an unruffled, naive and a sweet lass and another was unpredictable, unlawful and a bit messed up! Just for the convenience of reading rest of the post let's name them. The former one be, hmmm... penguin and the latter one be Billy! :D
Ups and downs, heap of problems and quarrels yet one or two sweet smiles paved our way through the lanes of our school. A school-life which witnessed almost every uncomplicated yet tangled situations. Penguin was always kind of away from any chaos, yet supporting every troubled soul with all her might! The good-homework-doer and the tall-girl was always there by my side whenever I planned a prank on someone! The criminal-brain was mine and the post-crime-healer was her. A typical Sagittarian and mild personality with a EXTREMELY high pitched voice! :P
I still remember all her bashings and encouragements for me to do my homeworks IN TIME!
Oh yes, she's an awesome artist and drew her heart away to glory. Be it drawing classes or Hindi handwriting, she was the BEST! Okay enough of penguin-saga.... now it's time for Billy.
Ahemmm..... Billy was not my friend at the beginning. We started off with severe [ mind you, SEVERE] grudges against each other. Reasons not relevant!
One whole year witnessed the tit-for-tats and though innocent, but behind back games!
But I still don't figure out how we became, what I mentioned as F.R.I.E.N.D.S and that to so much gradually that I didn't even realize till the day I left school. We never had much of SWEET memories but we do have memories a lot viz. starting from the "scandals" of science class to Sanskrit tuitions, from chatting for hours o'er the net to SARKAR! :D Okay that’s it, I really don't have much memories to share actually... Billy was a subtle but inevitable friend in school. Perhaps he is even that one person with whom I fought the most. I don't think that there is anyone else in my life with whom I spent so much of negative days as I did with him.
But after all, the blue remained blue and the white remained white. Memories of blue n white days were the most colorful ones I have ever had. I just have one question unanswered now and that is Why do we grow up and leave all those days behind?

Monday, March 3, 2008

Hidden Treasure

We have a treasure that belongs to us alone!
Our own individual characteristics. Our individuality is what forms the basis of our character. Because of our individuality we have a way of life and mission that is ours alone! Our individuality is something special and singularly our own. No one else can posses that!
It is part of our very being, something we exude naturally, without thinking about.
Life is about expressing and developing that individuality as fully as possible or it can be coined as self-realisation.
The fact that we have been born into this world means that we have a unique mission to fulfill. If we didn't, we would never have been born. The universe does nothing in vain.
Everything has meaning.
Each living thing has its own unique identity, role and purpose.
There is no point in a plum trying to be a berry. The plum should bloom like a plum, revealing its unique characteristics to the very fullest. Not only does doing so accord with reason, it is the right path to happiness and fulfillment in life! That makes life interesting. How dull things would be if we were all alike. :)

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

A Tag Way Out

Well when you don't have anything to write about, a tag is like putting a commercial ad between the regular stuff... So Dreamy deserves a THANK YOU!! [thank you dreamy... :D]
I am actually suffering from word-scarcity so I begin ->

Life Ten years ago:

hmmm... Life in white n blue. Early morning bus chasing and standing in the late-line everyday. Singing the national anthem thinking "omg I forgot to bring the homework copy". Practice made the excuse-making skill perfect but even then carried remarks in school dairy which had to return with parent's signature as a token of the untold conspiracy. Exam time followed by the haunting report card day. Complains and complains and hmmm.... okay, complains and complains... thats it. Well, on the happier side, lunch time gossips, playing lock n key and attending the next class like bhigi-billi's. When the school bell rang, a rush and race to block the window seat of the bus by just throwing the bag. The alu-kablis and churan... the pangas and dhamkis... the taking sides and friendships...

omg I miss you school.....

Life Five years ago.

Okay this was the most eventful phase of my school life. Class 11 in a new school. We even shifted our residence from the traditional north kolkata to the hip n happening south. Peak adolescence and bloomig teen age... altogether life was totally exciting. My best friend was my neighbour and my boyfriend was also my neighbour. okay can life be anyways better than this??? Me and my best friend , we were partners in every possible crimes viz. looting the gariahat junk jewellery shops, smoking silk-cut( mind you, not the lights), night stays, crank calls, adam-teasing, boozing till we got drunk... et all.... those days witnessed my growing up as a girl, my long crying nights after my break up, my crushes on almost every good looking guy, me slogging before exams and the most important of all I got my mentor in this very phase of life.

Life tomorrow.

I have to finish the graphics syllabus, oh shit I even have tuition in the morning.

Five locations I would love to run away to.

1-> Japan, my mentor is there and I completely love the people out there.

2-> To a small hut in the rural areas of Paro, Bhutan.

3->In a concert where there are Rashid Khan, John Abraham, Enrique Iglesias, Prem Joshua and George Cloony.

4->To a meadow with lush green field and sheep around and I am having a pen, papers and a guitar.

5->To our house in Dakshineshwar and live with my grandma throughout my life.

Five bad habits I have.

1-> Nail biting :

2->Advising people unnecessarily. Well I am seriously working on it.

3->Not to be able to control laughing once I start.

4->Making routines everyday and not even trying to stick to it.

5->Eating like a pig. :P

Five things I will never wear.

1->Shakha n Pola. Bengalis will know what are these.

2->Any garment that exposes your belly-button.

3->A platform-heeled shoe.

4->A wrist-band. I don't know why!

5->Clothes having flags of any country.

Five biggest joys at this moment.

1->I am home.

2->Dinner is ready.

3->I did not fight with Ron , mom or dad today.

4->Our project is through.

5->I am alive.

Something to achieve by next year.

Admission to a good university in US.

Something that impacted me last year.

Mine and Ron's break-up.

What will I miss about 2007.


Five things I want to do before I die.

1->Live life as it comes.

2->Be happy whenever I can.

3->Don't want to be bogged down by problems of life.

4->Show mom and dad that I did not settle in US leaving them alone.

5->Marry Ron and have a wonderful life with him.

Okay...Done...Pls Comment guys :D!

And I tag Pranay, Rashi, Nothingman, The None and whoever is getting highly bored!!

Saturday, February 16, 2008

I wish

I were a princess. Not wearing gaudy gowns or carrying a wand in hand but dressed in colourful lehnga-choli and chunri, adorned with churis and jhumkas.... (sounds pretty much... duhh... right?) Actually this is a phase of life that I am going through. I am suffering from a "feeling-like-and-wannabe-princess" complex....
Reasons are countless viz. my rajasthan trip, after effects of its dreams and not to forget the just seen movie Jodha Akbar. Ok, yes, I am being a kid, dreaming bollywoodish but then comeon afterall who will backoff if one is asked to be a king or a queen? It's always fascinating. Just that these whishes have faded away amidst our peer-pressured-pragmatisms.
The magnanimity of the quilas, beautiful architectures, lots of jwelleries, colourful festivals, praises and hails, extravagant leisures and tons of pride.... what else can anyone dream about.
Viewing it from a different angle - King, authoritarian rule, armed forces, zeal of conquering and capturing, politics, wars. But if we take a sneak peek into our very own "today", won't we find the same things with just names changed - ministers, exploited citizens, nuclear threats, "greed" of power, warfares. Only thing that changed is the authoritarian rule. Now it is called DEMOCRACY. (omg! I really feel like laughing). Authoritarian rule in which the king is always concerned about the welfare of his land and its people is now a far fetched dream. Implementation of democracy was a joke on the face of the dynasties. Now the "Kings" are elected from among the people just not to bother themselves about the country and its people when they become "kings".
Talking about myself I really have thought about this a lot.
What if someday you wake up in the morning and see that you are living in a palace where you can sing, dance, paint, play, write do anything you like and live happily ever after!!! Okay I finally woke up and the morn light knocked me down. After a whole day's work, when I am tired and worn out...I still wish.... If I WERE A PRINCESS!!!! :)

Tuesday, February 12, 2008


A new mall has opened near my place. It is SUPPOSED to be the biggest mall in Asia. Being a part of the crowd I was so damn excited to visit it. So me, ron and dreamy- we made a plan to go to the tall-mall, as we coined it.
It was big-real big. Huge crowd. Everyone went there to see. Even us. See? See what? Ok that is an examination-standard question. Guys were seeing gals. Gals were seeing other gals. Old fellows were seeing the young guys and gals. Young guys and gals were in no way interested in the old fellows. Couples were seeing the shops and pertinent stuffs viz. gifts, candles, lingerie et all and romancing around them. Homemakers were seeing the price tags. Husbands were seeing the things which he is never going to buy for his wife. Hey wait a min- did i say that we went to see the MALL? Well. Varied interests.
The tall-mall was not that tall. But big. When you enter you can only see escalators moving up n down, up n dowm with hundreds of people in it. Some scared of it, some excited.
Tall-mall is a very good tourist place as even people who have money cannot buy anything. You can only See. Shops branded, non-branded, big, small, highly expensive, moderate expensive.....
But strangely everyone was shopping but through the window *lolz* Even the Jockey showroom was full of people running thier hands through 5000 bucks lingerie. Ritu Kumar's showroom was as crowded as the junk jewellery shops of Gariahat, where you can shop heavily if you have only 100 bucks. Ron found a shirt, cotton one, good-not bad. It would have cost 1500 bucks in any branded shop viz. van huesen... but the price tag whispered that it was of 5000 bucks.
Anyways, comeon enough of money hanky-panky. The shops that could make us enter was Starmark, Spencers and PlanetM. They were like their other peers.
But the most amazing part of the day is - Dreamy could buy a book from THAT tall-mall which was only 60 bucks and Ron found a Mercedes Benz for 150 bucks *lolz*

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Private Conversation

Myself : Hi, after a long time..yea?
Me : Yes glad to see you again, wanted to talk to you actually.
Myself: Okay. But why are you alone today?
Me : Ron is in college and I, as usual, am bored with studies, classes et all.
Myself: So how do feel being alone after such a long time? And thats why you are able to see me... I am always there but you can never find me when you are NOT ALONE!
Me: Alone? what do you mean? Many a times I am alone, what do you mean by after such a long time? My friends hardly accompany me to my house and mom dad also returns late these days... so most of the time I am alone only. Why dont I see you then?
Myself: hmm... get the right meaning of being alone at first place, then you'll undertsand yourself.
Me: (in deep thought)
Myself: Don't think too much, its simple. You see me only when you want to, only when you want to spend some time with yourself, only when you want to see your own faults, only when you want to praise yourself. Precisely you see me when you introspect!
You don't have to tell me your worries, I know all o' them.
Me: I am .....
Myself: No, never be envious. Envy and jealousy are like parasites which dwell in you just to take all the good things away from you and leaves you when you are no better than a green-yucky-creature!
Me: What should I...
Myself: Talk to me, try to find your own faults and loopholes. Trust me, the best way to fight those two parasites is to make yourself more strong and to have unperturbed determination.
Me: I want...
Myself: Then you should study with all your might. Give your best effort. Never look at the peak of the mountain when you climb. You will demoralise yourself and end up unfinished. Always take the next step cautiously and sincerely then you'll see that you have already reached the peak!
Me: Thankyou...
Myself: Never forget talking to me when you are angry and envious! Take Care...

Friday, January 25, 2008


Lovely sunsets, beautiful colours, lots of shopping, hell lot of a journey and desh raag! It was the land of sand dunes and forts that I went to, for a break in my "urban" busy life!
It was not the usual tourist-fascinating spots and sites that touched my heart but it was the most unnoticeable and unappealing regular things that hardly anyone could perceive amidst the beauty.
Forts and havelis always have their own part of it but I have never seen that lakes i.e. mere inland water bodies can ever be an integral part of the “sight-seeing”. Why is it so, this I think will be obvious at the end of my post.
The first word that struck me when I landed in Rajastan was “helplessness”. The poor are not of lower caste instead they belong to Rajputs, who once upon a time used to be the richest and now their extravagance have dragged their successors into a single storied, clay-made houses with small-scale handicraft as their livelihood. The forts which were their own houses are now either tourist preys or they are converted into 5 star hotels for the riches where the once residents are somehow managing with sukhi roti and achar as there is no (mind you, NO) vegetation which the poor ones can afford. The very little vegetation that is available is consumed by the “higher strata” and they do not drip down to the “lower” ones even a drop! SO, in the 45 degree heat in daytime they hunch for water and in the -10 degree cold at night they shiver with a coarse chaddar and no-sleep! Such is the most crowded tourist attraction of India. Cities like Jaipur, Jodhpur, and Udaipur are budding townships with middle class who seems to be millionaires in contrast to their fellow residents. So you will not see helplessness anywhere. There are artificial farms, exports which really do not make the residents feel that they are staying in the desert-land. But in cities like Bikaner and Jaisalmer, people are not only preys of poverty but also are deprived of their basic needs. They are mere preys of nature. Hot sands, no vegetation, no water ….. Could there be anything more?

Peeking in the city called Jaisalmer:

This is Rakshi; he belongs to the Patwon, a family who used to be the closest of kins of the Chauhans during their rule. The photo above is inside Patwon ki haveli which was made of yellow stone, the most expensive in country and the bedroom used to have beds with gold carvings. Rakshi, the doll maker, belongs to this very family. He said “ Virasat me toh kamra mil gaya hai haveli mein par pet bharne ke liye kuch toh karna parega, haveli ka sara samaan waisehi para hai lekin tijori puri ki puri khali hai” [I have got a room in the haveli by the virtue of my legacy but there is no money, all the things are in tact but the treasure box is empty. So I have to do something to earn]

Zooming into the real picture :

This is a village near the city rather better called as the ruins. The structures you see there are the houses. Around 20 people stay here, in the middle of no where. This village is named as Kannoi.

Taking a look if the city, you will notice that no house is double storied. This is because they cannot afford. Moreover all the houses are either painted white or blue so that they can radiate the heat. The far away windmills are the only weapons they have. Nature has gifted them only with winds be it as hot as steam or freezing, the windmills keep on working somehow and so their lives. Yet the Fort stands to witness all the extravagance turn into misery.

If you see this with an eye of a tourist the word is “Wow” but if you see this with an eye of its people the word is “Why Me??” We went there at 3 in the noon. The purpose was Sunset in the Sands. The vehicles that took us were Camels.

This was the camel that carried me to the spot. It was around a kilometer. I was on the Camel looking here and there before I noticed the person directing the Camel. He was barefoot and bare-stomached. Walking in the hot sand to fill his stomach or who knows for some other and more serious a reason may be!
The Camel was named Babloo and all the camel – men revered their camels as gods who provide them with food. In misery also there was compassion.

This is Vikram, a school-going boy who walks 25 kilometers from his village to this spot to sell his stuff so that he can earn for his entire family. He pays for his own education. He is saving for his elder sisters wedding. He was selling a 10 rupee Lay’s Chips packet for 12 bucks. Other people, who could spent thousands of bucks buying Zardausi Saris found it too difiicult to give 2 bucks extra for this boy!

Music is in their blood. With legacy, wealth can get eroded but who could snatch the talents away from them. Amit, the little boy has never seen school yet he is desperate to go to one. His father, again a Rajput successor, is now playing a small instrument called Mhor with his son playing the gypsy. After 5 minutes of creating music they are paid 5 bucks. Music which was not supported by extravagant lyrics or high quality mixer and woofers. Music that was in prompt to, straight from the heart and minute to minute creation. We pay hundreds of bucks to listen to singers on stage but never had the heart to appreciate ( forget about paying) these composers and maestros in their own ways.

When it was around 5:30 I hurried up a hill to see the sunset. Some sand went inside my snickers and then tears did not stop rolling down my eyes. The sand was hot as if it had been burned in fire. And then I looked around. All the camel-men, the roaming sellers, the music players and don’t know how many of them were BAREFOOT.

They are staying there with misery beyond measure and yet if you ask them why don’t you move to other villages that is out of this Thar Desert, they would say “apna hi to des hai aur yeh reth apni mitti ! “
Loads n Loads of salutes to these victors of Life……